My Hardest Goodbye.

I think I knew this would be one of the hardest summers from the beginning.  

I found out early in May that my sweet love ( my cat, Pumpkin.) was sick with diabetes.  I knew the results before she even told me, he was acting just as our past cat had when he was sick. I just was hoping maybe , just maybe- something else was wrong. Of course, she offered the choices- and to each their own, I weighed the pros and cons. My choice was not easy but I knew that I didn't have the time nor the adequate money at this time to give him the care that I know deep inside he deserved. 

So I spent my time cherishing every hug... every meow. I knew I was definitely battling time with my soul mate. It sounds bizarre, trust me- I'm well aware. How do I go thinking that my cat could be my soul mate? Maybe he isn't. But he definitely feels like one of my great loves.  

I got him when I was living on my own in my favorite apartment back in 2006. I had struggled a lot for a while with different things and it came to a time where everything had finally came to a stand still. I felt it was time for a pet. So I went to Pet Smart to look in the little adoption corner and there I spotted 3 orange kittens. I know I played with one of them before I played with Pumpkin but all I can remember is him hiding behind my feet. I told him to come out little pumpkin. I bought an orange color and claimed him as my mine.  

With all my life changes, even when I left him behind- he was my one thing that remained the same. He greeted me when I came home to visit, waited by my door for me to wake up. His love for his family was more than apparent - always checking on his people when he knew something was wrong. Even in happy moments, keeping conversations with his meows. His conversational skills could put most grown humans to shame.  He was so smart, so tricky. But yet, so unlike any other cat I've ever met. 

There's so many words to use for him and yet, I'm at a loss on how just to put it so it does justice. 

I prepared myself because I knew it was coming with each passing day. I just told myself I wanted to end this before I felt he was suffering. I literally had a conversation with my best friend days before that I just felt it was time. I felt he was ready to be home. That next day he just wasn't himself at all... we called the vet... she never answered. But I held him in the hallway and told him it was okay. I loved him with all of my heart. No one could replace my Monkey.  We all went to sleep and Pumpkin passed away. 

And that morning to keep my mind preoccupied, I made this page of a few of the selfies I made him suffer through. It was the only thing I could think of. Seems like when life goes all wrong, scrapbooking is my therapy. I used the sketch from the Paper Issues Sketch Challenge this month, and it worked perfectly. Also, I finally also got to use up what was left of my Cocoa Vanilla  Wild @ Heart collection. Turned out perfect for my love for Pumpkin. 

Love you more than words Monkey. 

xo. Renee